Friday, August 30, 2002

When I was little (I can’t remember how I old I was, and apparently I wasn’t smart enough to record the date), I actually finished a book I wrote entitled, “Book of World Records.” I was probably able to finish it because it had no chapters (which might be the key to getting this book-thing done). Here it is, since it’s probably one of my few completed works. It’s more effective with the pictures, but the words alone will have to do. This is posted “as-is”…no corrections on spelling or grammar…which is a bold thing for an English major to do:
 Skinnyest Man: The skinnyest man is Mike Anderson. He is 5’5” and weighs 3 pounds. He is not exactly bones yet but almost.
 Longest Note: Maryann Johnson started singing an she held the note for 1 month without stopping. Others have tried but there was know success. The other longest note was held for 18 days.
 Longest Jump: The longest jump was made by Elaine Martin. She jumped 80 feet. From her house to the other block. Others have tried but no sucess.
 Oldest Man: The oldest man is 150 years old. His name is John Alpo. The second oldest person was 130 but died.
 Longest Sleeper: Elizabeth Airline slept for 10 days. When she woke up she was still tired. Some others that have tried didn’t success.
 Longest Arm: Longest arm is 15 feet long. His name is Mark Wilson. He was born with a 5 foot arm. Now he is 10. His cloths have to be made seperate.
 Oldest Building: In Newyork City the oldest building still stands. It is 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 years old. It was built by Curva Mooma. He died at the age 90. No pieces were replaced.
(Note on the picture: Made up of water, sand and mud)
 Smartest Children: The Jason twins Caroll and John solved the problem 1,501,210,111 divided by 2,801,666=? In 14 sec. In there head.
 Smallest Plane: The smallest plane is 18 in. long 12 in. wide. The only person that can fit in is shown on the next page.
 Smallest Person: The smallest person is Caroll Manick. She is 3 in. high. When she was born she was as small as a dust speck. Her parents are both 6 ft. Shes the only one who can fit in the plane. She weighs 1 pound.
 Biggest Toe: Mark Johnson was born with an 8 ft. toe. Now he’s only 14 and his toe is 20 ft. He has to where sandles. He is 5’4”.
(The picture for this one is quite interesting.)
 Tallest People: The tallest people are Mr. And Mrs. Brown. They are both 14’5”. They were borned at 7 feet. They weigh 700 pounds.
(Note: The picture for this one compares them to an “ordinary” man and woman – 7’8” tall)
 Fatest Guy: The fatest guy weighs 8576 pounds. He is 5 feet. He hopes to gain more.
 Biggest Underwear: The biggest underwear is worn by the fatest guy in the world. The legs are 1,000 inches wide and the top is 8,000 inches.
 Longest Ears: Martha Candor has ears 5 ft. long. She is only 3 ft. and 4 years old. Sometimes she balances on her ears.
(Again…another interesting picture)
 Largest Candy bar: The largest candy bar is 8 ft. long. 7 ft. wide. It is a Milky Way. It is kept in a freezer 15 ft.
 Farthest Run: The farthest run was made by Anna Peto. She ran from her to California without stopping.
 Who ate the most spinach? John Cali ate 4 gallons of spinache in one day! He is still hungry. And he hates spinache.
 Fastest Wrighter: The fastest writer is Carla Branford. She wrote 1,000 words in a minute. Sometimes she writes 1,185.
 Biggest Glasses: The biggest glasses are 18 ft. They are so big they have to be brought in a special building.

So there you have it. My husband will occasionally ask me if I ever take anything seriously. I’ll share this with him the next time he asks and let him draw his own conclusions.

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

Finally, the storm ended, as did the night, as does my story.

Phew! Finally completed a book! Wasn't as bad as I thought. And I owe my suspenseful, opening sentence to a beagle. I think I'll start on the sequel. Hopefully I'll be able to complete that in less time.

So now that I have absolutely nobody's attention, I'll begin my less than mind-bloggeling thoughts...since that's about all my brain is capable of handling. And in case anybody cares (or in case I someday lose my mind and can't remember the creative genius behind calling my Blog "Chapter 1..." – which I credit to a brilliant friend of mine who is capable of mind-BOGGLING thoughts), it's because I just can't get past the first chapter of any book I set out to write, which puts a damper on my small and humble dream of someday becoming a published writer. I envy the likes of Shakespeare, Dean Koontz, Ray Bradbury, and Dr. Seuss. (I would have listed Stephen King, but I'm a little peeved at him right now because he stole my idea for a book - Dream Catcher - an idea I had about 6 years ago - and now he's got a movie out about it and everything. So Stevie, dude! If you're reading my blog...let it be noted that...I was gonna say that I had the idea first, but, if you really are reading the blog of some chick from Ohio who has absolutely no claim to fame, then you have absolutely no life...)

Anyway, the purpose of my blog is to give me an outlet for rambling, and maybe someday all this rambling will actually emerge into a novel of some sort. Either that or it will be written validation that I should be committed. (Better not give my husband my blog address…he’s probably got his own list of reasons to lock me up somewhere ;-)

Validation #1: I think that Snap, Crackle, and Pop live with my husband and me. Why? Because every time I turn around, I find another box of Rice Krispie Treats on my kitchen counter! Either that or my husband has bought stock in them and has made it a high-priority goal of his to buy up every box he can find. Or maybe…husband by day…Crackle by night? Who knows.

Validation #2: I can’t get past Chapter 1…you expect me to get past Validation #1?

Less Than Mind Bloggeling, huh. But I promised nothing more, so I delivered what I set out to deliver.

The End – for tonight.

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

As the night grew darker, the storm stormed more intensely. It was very, very scary. And stormy.

Monday, August 26, 2002

It was a dark and stormy night.