Another Enry From Baby Z
So this Mom-Creature is neurotic. Let's face it. I've grown to accept it.I had to hijack her journal again while she wasn't looking because this was too good to pass up.
Last weekend, I did my usual song-and-dance for her - you know - the one where I kick and poke and flutter her belly - the stuff that makes her giggle like a school girl.
Come Monday, I was a tad tired. You try getting your testicles to decend into your scrotum and see if YOU feel like kicking up your heels throughout the week!
Regardless, the Mom-Creature was feeling under the weather starting Monday. I could tell. Plus I could hear her tell the Dad Entity that her stomach felt "ucky" and she felt like she was "borderline getting a cold."
This continued Tuesday....and Wednesday. She thinks SHE has it tough! I'm trying to get my eyelids to open and practice my breathing techniques! So I was quiet. What's a guy to do! As I heard the Dad Entity say, "Perhaps he's just lazy...like his dad" or "he's probably sleeping. Leave him alone in there!" Gooo, Dad!
Well, she called her doctor on Wednesday - not specifically about me - but because she and this Aunt Lady are taking this Grammy Being to see some Celine Dion person at some place called the Q. Supposedly the Grammy Being came down with something called Strep, so Miss Mom wanted to make sure it was ok to be near her. Antibiotics were in place for just about 24 hrs, so the doctor said it should be fine.
Then trouble starts. I hear Mom Creature ask, "By the way, is it normal that the baby hasn't been overly active for awhile - and I'm 27 weeks? Should he be more active?"
I'm BUSY in here - I need my rest! Oh the nerve!
Well, Doctor says things sound normal. Mom Creature sounds relieved.
Would you know, just because I didn't kick up my heels and dance while this Celine Dion person sang, Mom started to panic?? I did a little dance during a few numbers, but I guess it wasn't enough. Sigh.
So the next morning, Mom tells Dad, "Your boy hasn't been very active for a few days now."
I could taste the tears welling up in her eyes. Dad says, "If you're worried, call the doctor."
Oh, Dad - you went over to the Dark Side...I thought us testosterone-filled bodies are supposed to stick together...
Well, apparently her doctor was out of town, so the backup doctor told her to come in for an ultrasound. Yep - another look at Yours Truly.
Pardon me, Ladies, but when the wand thing first projected my image, I was sleeping! Yes - they noted my strong breathing...and yes, they noted my strong heartbeat....but I was taking a snooze. I could read Mom's mind: "Why isn't he moving??"
So, yes, girls, I did what any good baby-who's-growing-his-body-parts would do - I danced. I moved. I punched. I kicked. I slapped my hand on my forehead and said, "Oy, Woman, I'm fine in here! Wouldja stop worrying!"
Mom noted that she couldn't feel some of my kicks. I'm all, "WTF!" Then I hear the Wand Lady tell her, "Your placenta is anterior. Sometimes that acts as a shock absorber."
They coulda saved Mom a lot of grief if they had told her that to begin with - at the 20 week song-n-dance routine. Even I know that!
Ah well...she probably still woulda panicked. She's neurotic.
And would you believe, they reward me by snapping a picture of my penis??!! And I head the doctor describe it as looking like a tiny TURTLE! Of all things! I just got the testicles where they belong...and the best they can come up with is TURTLE??!! Why always the focus on my penis? WHY?
Ah man... I tell ya.... Mom better not expect me to take that picture to school with me for Show-N-Tell.
Regardless, I decided that, for the rest of yesterday - I would kick and punch away. Gave her more of a show later that evening, and early this morning - and throughout today. That should keep her calm until her next panic attack.
One thing I've learned from all this - the woman is easy to please. I figure all I'll have to do - once I'm out of this womb-contraption - for her birthdays and Mother's Day is run up to her, punch her and kick her in the gut a few times, and watch her smile. At least she's low maintenance when it comes to gifts. I can put my money to better use - like buying a camera to take a picture of her Hoo Ha to see how SHE likes it!
So there ya go. The things we fetuses have to do to keep you ladies smiling. It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it. Might as well be me!
posted by Joanne @ 12:31 PM
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