Dear Joanne:
Good to hear from you! It was with such pleasure and great slowness that I read your letter, as one can only read so fast with one eye. I am doing very well. I haven’t had a date in years and the back of my head has split open like a cracked melon. Yes, I’m doing very well indeed. So well, you skanky whore, that I can’t thank you enough for all the friggin’ love you bestowed upon me throughout our years together. The babes are especially attracted to that sorry-excuse-for-an-eye that your special surgeon – Dr. Fuck Up – created for me. I really enjoyed the sharp pinch of that needle going in and out of my empty eye socket. Thanks for pulling out the stitches over and over again, you dumb bitch. And thanks for yanking my ears off from time to time. That was always a real trip. I can hear about as much as Helen Keller now, and I can almost read lips when my one good eye isn’t dangling from a thread.
You’re probably sitting there, looking all cute with your two eyes, two ears, and your feet. Did you ever try to get a date looking a step above roadkill, you no good, c*^k-sucking slut? Did you ever try to walk with no feet? Did you ever try to kiss someone when you have no lips? I can’t even get a place on the Island of MisFit Toys thanks to your wonderful “affection” and “cuddling”. Charlie-In-the-Box tells me there’s a big difference between a MisFit and a grade-A, low life ugly mother-f*^ker such as myself, you mother-f*^king Scumbag.
I’m gonna get you, bitch! You’re ass is mine, you skank!
By the way, how’s that trampy sister of yours doing? Ask her if she remembers that neck surgery she hired Dr. Mommy to perform on our good friend, Saddy Face. Tell her that the piece of raggy-ass towel that the Good Doctor shoved inside his neck now smells like rotting flesh, which is perfect since he looks like a freakin’ rotting corpse. He’s a real hit at parties. Tell that ho sister of yours that Saddy “the Slasher” Face sends his love.
I look forward to the day when I can rip out one of your eyes and staple it shut. I dream about the night when I can tear off your lips and shove them up your hoity-toity ass, Girlfriend.
Keepin’ it real – still lovin ya lots!
Bunny the Basher
P.S. We did have good times together back in the day, huh. Thanks for the f*^kin’ memories!
posted by Joanne @ 12:33 PM
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