An Update From Baby Z
Hello, Everyone!
Mom fell asleep at the computer, so I decided to type this update myself (she's always sleeping! Wuz up wit dat!). Yeh - I managed to snag me a palm pilot as a "pre-birth" gift to myself when mom was out shopping and not paying attention. She didn't blink an eye, so here I am, typing away on it. This thing's HUGE! I mean... it's almost as big as I am! Not sure who came up with the "brilliant" name of Palm Pilot - but BODY Pilot is more fitting! (I'm hoping to get an IPOD next - it's kinda quiet in this here womb-contraption-thingamajig).
So we had our 20 week, full anatomy ultrasound yesterday. I must admit, I did some camera 'mugging' for the folks! I figure, might as well show off a bit for this hour long show.
Mom says she hasn't felt a lot of movement. Ya want movement, woman? I'll give you movement! I decided to kick my legs around and punch out my arms throughout the whole show. That made mom giggle like a school girl - and she got a little choked up as well. What is it about you girls and those emotion things? Women - who can understand them. Is there an Idiot's or Dummy's guide to understanding these XX Chromosome Entities? Hmmm....maybe I'll write a book about it. Mom's always wanted to write and publish a book. I bet I can beat her to the punch.
Anyways, so Dad was all, "You don't feel that??!!"
I heard a meager, "No" from the Mother Ship. Sigh...the little lady has a lot to learn.
At one point, I heard mom say something about how she read that some women can see their babies sucking their thumbs in the womb. So, yeh, I decided to give her a little thumb sucking. She got a huge kick outta that. (Don't tell mom I'm telling you this, but she used to suck her thumb until she was about 4 - my grandpa, from what I hear, used to put black pepper on her thumb to make her stop, but all she'd do is suck that off...crying and whining because it was so "hot", yet the sucking continued. Um.... can you say "oral fixation"?)
But I digress. Moving right along, I also stretched my legs out completely - to show off how nice the femurs are progressing...heard the sonagrapher chuckle and say something like, "he better enjoy that now because he's not gonna be able to do that much longer as he gets bigger!"
You mean this growing thing continues?? Wow! It's a lot of work....making your own body. You ladies think YOU'RE fatigued... try growing a brain....and a heart....not to mention a penis!
Speaking of penis (hehe - that word cracks me up) - I decided to show off mine. The ultrasound lady said "He's certainly not shy" to which mom replied (in typical girl fashion), "He's just like his father." Yeh ...yeh....what a card.
Anyways, what is it with you women and "it's so cuuuuuuuuute!" I mean, c'mon now! This is my penis you're talking about! I was hoping for a "WOW!" or a "NIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCE!" But "cute"??? Does she say that to dad?? What the (bleep)!
Then we got some measurements on some boring stuff - like mom's cervix, her ovary thingies, her uterus, the placenta, the umbilical cord. This show is about ME! Let's get back to the headliner!
Love showing off my heart and all 4 of its chambers. I worked long and hard on that organ. The doctor said I have a beautiful ventricular septum. That's something you don't hear every day! I must say, I impress myself.
I weigh about 12 ozs now - not sure what the chubby...er... charming little lady is eating, but she's doing a good job with that. And I measure 20 weeks and 4 days (even though mom is just at 20 weeks). I'm a bit ahead of schedule. All part of my master plan.
I did have to cross my arms over my face at one point, though. It's like, "enough already! Stop looking at me! It's been an hour - and I want to get back to surfing the web on my palm/body pilot!
So in a nutshell, I put on a good show. I stole every scene. I think I'm doing a great job with the upkeep of my chambers. Mom better not be thinking of charging me rent. I never call her for anything. I do my own repairs, my own growth, I keep to myself...for now. She's lucky to have a tenant like me.
And if you ladies think YOU have it rough with pregnancy, thank your lucky stars you weren't born a spiny dogfish. The things you find when you google:
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/17213
Off to mess with mom's head and send her an email from the confines of these uterine walls. If anyone wants to correspond with me, you can reach me at BabyZ@momswoohoo.com
Mom fell asleep at the computer, so I decided to type this update myself (she's always sleeping! Wuz up wit dat!). Yeh - I managed to snag me a palm pilot as a "pre-birth" gift to myself when mom was out shopping and not paying attention. She didn't blink an eye, so here I am, typing away on it. This thing's HUGE! I mean... it's almost as big as I am! Not sure who came up with the "brilliant" name of Palm Pilot - but BODY Pilot is more fitting! (I'm hoping to get an IPOD next - it's kinda quiet in this here womb-contraption-thingamajig).
So we had our 20 week, full anatomy ultrasound yesterday. I must admit, I did some camera 'mugging' for the folks! I figure, might as well show off a bit for this hour long show.
Mom says she hasn't felt a lot of movement. Ya want movement, woman? I'll give you movement! I decided to kick my legs around and punch out my arms throughout the whole show. That made mom giggle like a school girl - and she got a little choked up as well. What is it about you girls and those emotion things? Women - who can understand them. Is there an Idiot's or Dummy's guide to understanding these XX Chromosome Entities? Hmmm....maybe I'll write a book about it. Mom's always wanted to write and publish a book. I bet I can beat her to the punch.
Anyways, so Dad was all, "You don't feel that??!!"
I heard a meager, "No" from the Mother Ship. Sigh...the little lady has a lot to learn.
At one point, I heard mom say something about how she read that some women can see their babies sucking their thumbs in the womb. So, yeh, I decided to give her a little thumb sucking. She got a huge kick outta that. (Don't tell mom I'm telling you this, but she used to suck her thumb until she was about 4 - my grandpa, from what I hear, used to put black pepper on her thumb to make her stop, but all she'd do is suck that off...crying and whining because it was so "hot", yet the sucking continued. Um.... can you say "oral fixation"?)
But I digress. Moving right along, I also stretched my legs out completely - to show off how nice the femurs are progressing...heard the sonagrapher chuckle and say something like, "he better enjoy that now because he's not gonna be able to do that much longer as he gets bigger!"
You mean this growing thing continues?? Wow! It's a lot of work....making your own body. You ladies think YOU'RE fatigued... try growing a brain....and a heart....not to mention a penis!
Speaking of penis (hehe - that word cracks me up) - I decided to show off mine. The ultrasound lady said "He's certainly not shy" to which mom replied (in typical girl fashion), "He's just like his father." Yeh ...yeh....what a card.
Anyways, what is it with you women and "it's so cuuuuuuuuute!" I mean, c'mon now! This is my penis you're talking about! I was hoping for a "WOW!" or a "NIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCE!" But "cute"??? Does she say that to dad?? What the (bleep)!
Then we got some measurements on some boring stuff - like mom's cervix, her ovary thingies, her uterus, the placenta, the umbilical cord. This show is about ME! Let's get back to the headliner!
Love showing off my heart and all 4 of its chambers. I worked long and hard on that organ. The doctor said I have a beautiful ventricular septum. That's something you don't hear every day! I must say, I impress myself.
I weigh about 12 ozs now - not sure what the chubby...er... charming little lady is eating, but she's doing a good job with that. And I measure 20 weeks and 4 days (even though mom is just at 20 weeks). I'm a bit ahead of schedule. All part of my master plan.
I did have to cross my arms over my face at one point, though. It's like, "enough already! Stop looking at me! It's been an hour - and I want to get back to surfing the web on my palm/body pilot!
So in a nutshell, I put on a good show. I stole every scene. I think I'm doing a great job with the upkeep of my chambers. Mom better not be thinking of charging me rent. I never call her for anything. I do my own repairs, my own growth, I keep to myself...for now. She's lucky to have a tenant like me.
And if you ladies think YOU have it rough with pregnancy, thank your lucky stars you weren't born a spiny dogfish. The things you find when you google:
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/17213
Off to mess with mom's head and send her an email from the confines of these uterine walls. If anyone wants to correspond with me, you can reach me at BabyZ@momswoohoo.com
Take care all!
(Note to readers: I have no clue if that's a real email address. So send email at your own risk - mwahahahaha!)
P.S. I'm sitting breech right now. At first I thought the sonagrapher said I'm sitting "on the beach" - but then I listened a little more closely and heard things correctly. I was all, "Beach? You think this is a vacation? What are you...nuts??!!"
Anyways, I have time to flip, I know. My head is currently to the left and just above the MotherShip's belly button, and my legs are kinda diagonal and to the right of her belly button. What can I say. I'm comfy!
posted by Joanne @ 8:01 AM
1 Comments:
haha...great. I am sure that you will beat your mother to writing a book. I've been waiting many years but have yet to see more than "Chapter 1". :-)
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